What real depression looked like for me, an Ascension Parish realtor story.

How Depression Affected Me and My Life.

I can’t say one single event caused my depression. Still to this day I’m not even sure what it was that made me get sucked into the sink hole of self-loathing. It was like I was split into two people – two voices telling me things. One voice would tell me “You can’t do this. Nobody is going to listen to you. You are not even smart.” Then the other voice would say “You can do anything. You don’t even know unless you try.” Most of my young life I listened to the first, more vicious voice because when you are a teenager you internalize every word that is spoken to you. As I grew up the first voice became quiet, and I began to find myself and who I was as person more and more. It didn’t happen overnight, but by the time I became a mom, for the first time, my self- confidence was definitely on the upswing. Nothing made me more proud than becoming a parent. My children are still my proudest accomplishment. They truly are becoming such amazing human beings, and when I let them out in the world, the world better look out, because they are going to conquer it.

I had moments in my life over the years that the first voice would creep in, but I always seem to be able to quiet it. Recently, for no reason I can explain, that first voice was front and center. I found myself not being able to get out of bed. I didn’t want to do anything. Things I loved and truly enjoyed doing became a daunting task. My self-worth was now worthless to me. My family suffered, my job suffered, and my marriage suffered. I was no longer present in any activity. I was obsessing about things I couldn’t change, if I had a bad day at work for some reason it became another reason to lay in bed for the whole weekend. I was passing off possible leads to other agents in my office because I just didn’t have the drive or energy to do it. I made the excuse “they probably weren’t interested anyway”. For six months this happened. I would do my daily activities but only things that were required of me. I thought about quitting my job. The little voice was telling me “You aren’t wanted. You have nothing to offer people.” I thought about just disappearing – just getting away for a month and not have to worry about anything. I even thought that if I were committed to a hospital it sounded like a great vacation.

Then one day I took a good long look at myself. I really made a good effort to get out of bed that day and do something. I starting doing things that inspired me again, and I got myself signed up for courses to revitalize my career, knowing that nothing I was doing was going to be a magic  pill. I began to focus on things I can control and ignore the things I can’t. I also made a point to tell anyone who’d listen that this had happened to me, I told all my co-worker’s “If you don’t see me in the office for a while, please check-on me.” (I work out of my home mostly, but I go into the office at least three times a week. During the time of my depression, I wouldn’t go in but once a week for the morning meeting and bolt the second it was over.) I told any friends I hadn’t seen in a while. I told people I worked with, and most have been understanding. I have gotten a few looks from some not so close, but I don’t really care what they think.

Now that I have a new purpose and goals I have set for myself I am not going to let the vicious voices tell me I can’t do it. I know that I can, If I fail, at least I know I have tried everything possible. I spent a lot of time talking with people who are successful, and I have been studying what drives them and what hurdles they had to go through to be who they are. I found many have been through a period in their own lives very similar to mine. Possibly I should have gotten professional help when I was at my lowest, but I think I had to reach rock bottom before I dug my way back up. I can’t say this won’t happen to me again, but I just know that I have let enough people know that they can recognize it in me and not be afraid to say something. For me, I believe that was the key to making me get out of the hole of despair. My husband and children really were wonderful to me during my darkest days. One good thing about this is that my children began cooking dinners and now cook a meal every so often. My husband never judged me either. I could tell he was annoyed, but really he just wanted his wife back to the way she was before. I just didn’t know how to get back to that place. Today as I sit here and type this, I can say I am better –  better than I was even a month ago, and much better than I was three months ago when I was in that bed. I wrote this today for anyone who is in that hole of depression and anyone who has been through it. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about and if anyone tells you differently they are assholes and you should get a new friend. Also, if you feel like the depression has taken over your life like it did mine; go get help. I wished I had and maybe it wouldn’t have lasted as long as it did. I believe because of my depression I was able to come up with my slogan for my real estate brand “Because YOU matter.” It’s my second voice of self-confidence letting the world know you truly matter and you are indeed needed in this world. Thank you for reading..

Your Real Estate Whisperer
“Because YOU matter”